Angry
by jules456
Summary: Jessie and Katie, destined for one another from the start. IT'S BACK! Please r&r, it's worth it!
1. So scream you

"Angry"  
  
Prologue: "So Scream You"  
  
There is hardly a day where nothing moves. She sat there on her roof for what seemed like forever. The wind was blowing the leaves wildly around making a whirlwind around her, and yet she did not notice. To her the world was still. She sat for hours in that position.  
  
Eli's car pulled up into the driveway. He noticed his little sister Jessie sitting up on the roof, a little close to the edge for comfort.  
  
"Jess, get down from there, there's going to be a storm!" Eli yelled up to her.  
  
Jessie was broken out of her thoughts and nodded to her brother and climbed back into the window.  
  
Jessie slipped inside and shut the window. The wind made the attic more drafty than usual. Jessie threw a sweatshirt over her tank top. How had she been sitting outside so long in that weather in a tank top?  
  
Jessie flinched as she pulled the fitted shirt over her body. The sweater harshly rode against the fresh cuts on her arms.  
  
She switched into a baggier sweater to one a little looser fitting, and trudged downstairs.  
  
"Hey, I made spaghetti." Eli said.  
  
"In what world do you think I would eat your cooking?" Jessie replied laughing at her brothers offer.  
  
"Well the offer still stands. I made some for everybody but there is a ton left."  
  
"I wonder why." Grace mumbled under her breath.  
  
Eli rolled his eyes at the two girls, and grabbed his bowl and retreated to the garage.  
  
"Where is my dad?" Jessie asked Grace  
  
"He is at a doctors appointment with my mom." Grace said  
  
Lily was 7 months pregnant at this point. Everyone had to walk on pins and needles when she was around; her hormones were out of control. It had been a tough pregnancy for her because of her age.  
  
"This late?" Jessie asked grabbing an apple off of the counter.  
  
"Well they went there and then to dinner." Grace said  
  
"Alright, well just tell him when he comes in that I went in early." Jessie said running upstairs to her room.  
  
She sat on her bed alone with the apple in front of her. She focused on it for minutes before she took the first bite. She could hardly stand the taste of it in her mouth as she chewed it up fast and swallowed it down. She, in disgust with herself, sat the rest of the apple next to her bed and laid down.  
  
Jessie curled up in a ball with her "Mr. Sniffles", the stuffed bunny that her father had given her when she came home from the hospital after having her tonsils taken out when she was five. Jessie had not slept a wink ever without that bunny in her arms.  
  
And so it went Jessie Sammler laid in her bed alone, hating the fact that she knew the sun would rise tomorrow and she would have to suffer through another day. 


	2. out from behind the bitter ache

Chapter 1: "Out from Behind the Bitter Ache"  
  
Hey all! This chapters kinda short but an outline for things to come! Sorry about the wait! Enjoy!  
  
~ Haley  
  
Jessie woke up to the sun pouring through her window hitting her directly in the face much to her dismay. She looked at her clock, it read 8:00.  
  
"Shit." Jessie said throwing on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt from her floor, as she ran downstairs, tripping along the way as she was attempting to button her pants.  
  
Eli was already staring at the stairs, hearing her hassle up-stairs, waiting for her to come down.  
  
"It is eight o' clock, I am a half and hour late to school, and I have a huge Government test first period, and I-" Jessie took a deep breath "Why the hell didn't somebody wake me up."  
  
Eli looked at his sister blankly and shrugged.  
  
"Do you want like. like a ride or something?" Eli asked taking a bite of his lucky charms  
  
Jessie gave him the well duh look.  
  
15 minutes later Jessie was signing in at the front office.  
  
"So you don't have a note?" The secretary said.  
  
"No." Jessie said for the fifth time.  
  
"So you know this is your fifth unexcused absence and now you have to serve a half-hour detention." She stated.  
  
"Yea, um, I really have to get to class." Jessie said looking at the clock.  
  
There was five minutes left of her first period class and she was better off not going at all. She arrived at her class and peeked through the window to see everyone completing their tests.  
  
"What am I doing? I haven't even studied." Jessie said to herself making a quick detour to the girls' bathroom on the other side of her school, far, far away from her classroom.  
  
Jessie swung open the door and sunk into a corner, after a moment she realized that she was not alone. She looked up to see a pair of green eyes staring down at her. Neither said anything.  
  
Jessie stood up and brushed herself off.  
  
"Not much for class this morning either huh?" The girl asked  
  
Jessie didn't know what to say. She had seen the girl in the hallway, she was a year older then her. She had always smiled at Jessie but Jessie kept to herself, recently she wanted to be alone.  
  
"No, Gov. test." Jessie stated.  
  
The girl smiled, perched on the edge of the sink, cigarette in hand, leaning out of the window, before tossing the butt out.  
  
"I'm Katie." The girl introduced herself.  
  
"Jessie." Jessie said.  
  
The bell rang. Katie stuck a breath mint in her mouth and hopped off the sink.  
  
"Nice to meet you Jessie. See you around?" She asked  
  
"Yeah." Jessie said dumbly nodding her head.  
  
Something about that girl gave Jessie a feeling that she had never had before. Could it have been butterflies? No, It couldn't have been. Or was it? Jessie didn't know. All of the sudden the air felt thin and she could not breathe.  
  
Jessie rushed into the bathroom stall and grabbed her razor out of her pocket. She made a point to carry it incase situations like these arose. She uses it like a diabetic uses insulin.  
  
Jessie held the blade to her arm. Blood began to trickle. it wasn't enough. She needed something more. She went further and further up her arm, slowly to feel all of the pain. She sat for a second. Finally she felt the release that she needed. She flew out of the stall only to run into. Katie.  
  
"I forgot my lighter." Katie said holding it up.  
  
Jessie smiled at her, which she could only do because of her newfound calm that she would have after she cut.  
  
"I have to get to class." She said heading out of the bathroom so she would not be any later today.  
  
Katie knew it, as did Jessie about Katie. there was something about that girl.  
  
And so it went, the two girls would soon find out. 


	3. Heavy on the memory

Chapter 2: "Heavy on the Memory, you Need Most"  
  
Sorry about the wait on this chapter, I have been busy with the holidays.  
  
~ Haley  
  
"Well Grace I have to stay after school today!" Jessie argued with her stepsister  
  
"There is nothing that I can do, I have to take Zoe to soccer practice." Grace said, "Can't Eli drive you?"  
  
Jessie knew that was a bad idea, he was usually stoned out of his mind after having been at home alone all day. "He really needs a new hobby," Jessie thought  
  
"I guess."  
  
The school bell rang at 2:00. The day couldn't have ended fast enough, . but then Jessie realized that she had to serve detention. She groaned as she made her way to the cafeteria for a half and hour from hell.  
  
The woman overlooking detention that day, informed them that they need to sit in alphabetical order.  
  
Jessie recognized the girl from the bathroom today was sitting behind her. Katie. Katie smiled at Jessie.  
  
"What are you in for?" Katie whispered to Jessie.  
  
"5 lates. You?"  
  
"Got busted for skipping this morning."  
  
Jessie nodded and sat quietly staring out of the window the entire half-hour. As soon as they were all dismissed Jessie hurried out of the room.  
  
Katie walked outside to see Jessie yelling at someone on the phone.  
  
"Come on E, it's not my fault! So what Coop and the band are more important than your sister? ... Well apparently they are.... Where is dad? .... Fine, .. Fine I will walk... Whatever E, bye." Jessie hung up  
  
Katie decided to approach the distressed girl.  
  
"Need a ride?" She asked in a cheery but somewhat sympathetic voice.  
  
"You mind?"  
  
"Not at all. Mi caro es su caro." She said with a smile, obviously not having a knack for the foreign languages.  
  
Jessie smiled as she climbed into the older girls SUV.  
  
"So what happened on the phone out there?" Katie asked  
  
"My older brother Eli is stoned out of his mind and having some friends over, and my step-sister Grace is taking Zoe to soccer so."  
  
"Grace Manning?" Katie asked  
  
"Yeah. Know her? I guess you two are in the same grade." Jessie said  
  
"Yeah, we have English together." Katie informed her  
  
"Ah, the infamous Dimitris class huh?" Jessie said laughing  
  
"Yeah, . Grace and Dimitri, they are . close." Katie laughed too  
  
Suddenly there was a "pop" and the car slowed to a stop.  
  
"What was that?" Katie asked  
  
"Seems to me that you have a flat." Jessie said  
  
"I'll call a tow truck." Katie decided pulling out her cell phone  
  
"Why? You gotta spare right?" Jessie said looking up at her  
  
Katie noticed the twinkle in Jessies sky blue eye.  
  
"You know how to change a flat?" Katie asked surprised  
  
"You don't?" Jessie asked even more surprised.  
  
Katie blushed.  
  
"Well it's about time you learned. My dad made me because he said no child of his should not learn basic life skills, . even if she is a girl. Anyway that still doesn't explain the reason that he taught me to make home-made bombs." Jessie said adding the last part thoughtfully.  
  
15 minutes later the tire was changed, and Jessie was wiping grease off of her hands onto her pants.  
  
"Thanks so much. You just saved me a bunch of money." Katie said smiling. "Cup of coffee for thanks?" Katie suggested.  
  
"I can't today." Jessie said.  
  
"Oh well, it's cool-" Katie said blushing looking away from the girl.  
  
"But I can take a rain check. Is tomorrow alright?" Jessie asked  
  
"Yeah, tomorrow is alright." They pulled up at Jessies house.  
  
There were a couple of guys hanging out in the front yard.  
  
"Which one is your brother?" Katie asked  
  
"The one in the black shirt." Jessie said.  
  
"Hot." Katie commented.  
  
"Ew, over share." Jessie exclaimed  
  
"See you tomorrow?" Katie asked her  
  
"Yeah, thanks for the ride, bye." Jessie said flashing Katie a smile.  
  
Katie watched as Jessie walked up to her house and smacked her brother with her backpack before going inside.  
  
And so it went this was the start of something good. 


	4. You still want love

Chapter 3: "You still want Love."

Hey I apoligize for the delay on this chapter. I got a new computer for Christmas, and as always chaos ensued with the other one, and my stories got kinda screwed up. Well review I really want to know what you think. And I want to wish you guys a happy holiday, even though it is kind of late! 

~ Haley

Jessie walked into her kitchen and tossed her bag down on the floor.

"Why are you home so late from school?" Her father asked her when he saw her

"Because." Jessie said

"What do you have a taste for, for dinner?" Rick Sammler asked her

"I don't care, it's Eli's turn to choose."

"Alright, well then tell him I am looking for him when you see him, alright?" Rick asked 

"Yeah." Jessie said heading up to her bedroom.

Jessie lay on her bed staring up at her ceiling, thoughts ran rapidly through her mind. Thoughts of Katie. Something about her made Jessie forget her pain, she could make her laugh which nobody could do nowadays. 

The next day Jessie walked along the halls like a zombie.

"Hey, still asleep?" Katie said as Jessie brushed her in the hallway.

"Yeah, it took forever for me to fall asleep last night." Jessie said leaning up against a locker. 

The two were in front of Dimitris room.

"Yeah, I have a hard time falling asleep too sometimes." Katie said

"So how do you fall asleep?"

"A whole lot of Benadryl." 

The girl laughed as the bell rang.

"I have to get to class." Katie said. "We're still on for coffee?" 

"Yeah." Jessie said heading to her class

Katie walked into Dimitris class with a goofy smile plastered on her face.

"Moving in on Sammler?" Tad asked Katie as he sat down behind her

"No!" Katie said turning around hitting her best friend on the head.

"I never knew she swung that way." Tad said leaning back in his chair

"Whoever said she did?" Katie asked becoming interested

"Nobody, but Sammler has never gone for anybody at all. It doesn't matter. What matters is Jessie Sammler is hot." Tad said grinning, earning himself another smack on the head from Katie.

After school Katie and Jessie went to "_Julians", _a little coffee shop. The girls chatted about everything on the way there.

"Eli sounds really cool." Katie said laughing after Jessie told her another one of the "This one time when Eli was high," stories.

"Yeah he is."

"So do you know if your step-mom is having a boy or a girl?"

"A boy." Jessie said taking a sip of her coffee.

Jessie watched Katie take a sip of hers down. Katie drank it black. It was actually kind of classy. 

"Ah, do you guys have any names yet?" 

"Nah, not yet." Jessie said

"Ah, well if I were you I would go with Ethan." Katie said

"I have always loved that name." Jessie said "My mom was going to name Eli that. I have no idea what happened with that." Jessie said laughing

"Are you and your mom close?"

"My mom, about five months ago moved to Denver. I still talk to her a lot, but I haven't seen her since she left." Jessie said

"Why did she move?" Katie asked

"She got married to her physical therapist…" Jessie said simply.

The girls smiled at each other. It was cold outside so the heat must have been on full blast. Jessie began to sweat. Without thinking she pulled up the sleeves of her shirt.

"So Tad was all like- …" Katie stopped mid sentence when she noticed Jessies arms…

Jessie quickly realized her error and yanked her sleeves down and crossed her arms in embarrassment.

They sat for awhile in an awkward silence.

"Why do you do it?" Katie asked her

They had only known each other for two days but to them it felt like a lifetime.

"I don't know." Jessie lied

"You do it to feel." Katie said.

"How do you know?" Jessie asked

"Because… that is why I did it." Jessie waited for Katie to continue. "I was nowhere as bad as you though."

Neither Jessie nor Katie said anything for several moments.

"You are not going to say anything to anyone are you?" Jessie asked nervously

"I don't know. Do I need to?"


	5. Love, ugly, smoth, and delicate

Chapter 4: "Love, ugly, smooth, and delicate"

"No, I mean, my dad does not need anymore stress with Lilys pregnancy and all. And my mom just got married so… If my dad found out he would send me to live with her, and I don't want to and that would make the whole situation worse. I will stop doing it. They have dealt with so much from me already." She confessed.

Katie nodded understanding, it had been the same way with her. It was weird the connection that the two girls felt after only knowing each other a couple of days, they were at such ease around one another they felt that they could tell each other anything.

Jessie entered her house that night with a little hop in her step. She stopped when she noticed that nobody was home. 

"Dad!" Nobody answered. "Eli, Grace! Zoe?" Jessie yelled. Still there was no response.

Suddenly she began to worry. She picked up the phone and dialed Eli's number.

"E, where is everybody?" There was a long pause, and Jessie dropped the phone from her hands.

~ Outside Katie knocked on the door again. Jessie had left her back-pack in her car. Jessie didn't answer the door. Katie became worried and tested the door knob, it was open. Immediately she saw Jessie slouched on the floor.

"Jess?" She said running over to her. "Jessie, what is going on? Are you okay?"

Katie pulled the sobbing girl into her arms.

"Jessie, you gotta tell me what happened?"

"They… there…oh god Katie." Jessie said falling into Katies arms further

"Sush.. It's going to be okay." Katie tried to assure her.

"No it's not!" Jessie yelled. "They're dead!"

Katies eyes got wide.

"Who Jessie? Who are you talking about?"

"Lily and… and my dad…"

"We have to go to the hospital." Katie said helping the girl up from the floor and out to the car.

They rushed through the doors of the hospital. There in the waiting room Jake was holding a sobbing Zoe, with his other arm around Grace. Eli was sitting stone faced in the other corner.

"Jess." Eli said standing up when he saw her, he walked towards her. Jessie backed up

"What happened?" She asked crying. Katie grabbed her hand for support.

"They were on their way home from the doctors office… there was a driver that ran a red light, and…"

"It can't be true…" Jessie said "DAD CANNOT BE DEAD!" She yelled. She squeezed Katies hand so hard she was surprised that it did not snap. "The baby…?" Jessie asked

"Dad was pronounced dead at the scene…, Lily held on at least until she got to the hospital…, they preformed an emergency c-section… they got the baby out… but Lily bled out during the surgery." He explained, tears now coming to her eyes. "But we have a little brother Jess. He was born two months early, … he is in the ICU…"

This was just too much for Jessie to digest. She ran out of the hospital.

"I will stay with her for awhile." Katie said to Eli, who just nodded

Katie ran out of the hospital to catch Jessie. Katie finally caught up with Jessie who had collapsed on the ground sobbing.

Katie could not think of any words to say to comfort the girl as she held her in her arms.


	6. But not without affection

Chapter 5: "But not without affection"

Katie sat up the whole night holding Jessie, who would occasionally wake up from a nightmare, but Katie was able to get her back to sleep. What were they going to do? Jessie was on the edge already, wasn't this just going to push it a bit? Katie wondered. As the sun came up Jessie began to stir in Katies arms, she was beginning to wake up.

"Hi honey." Katie said in a soothing voice.

Jessie didn't say anything, she just laid there with her head on Katies chest

"Are you hungry? I can go downstairs and make breakfast." Katie suggested, still in a hushed tone. Luckily for her her parents were on business trips.

Jessie nodded, as Katie left her alone on the bed and went downstairs to find food. As soon as Katie was out of the room Jessie frantically began to search for something, anything sharp.

Katie stepped outside on her back porch and took a deep breath. What was she going to do with Jessie? Could she really help her? She was so screwed up herself was she really able you save someone else? She stared up at the sky as she took a deep drawl of her cigarette and tossed it out, thinking about how it was really time for her to quit.

Katie walked back up to the room with two bananas.

"This good?"

"Yeah." Jessie said as Katie sat next to her. "Did you smoke?" She asked

"Did you cut?" Katie asked

There was an awkward silence between the two of them. Away from one another they had each given into their vices.

"Do you want to talk about your dad and Lily?" Katie asked genuinely 

"No."

There was another silence.

"So when did you start smoking?" Jessie asked trying to change the subject.

"Hey, if this is a share session it has to be mutual." Katie informed her, hoping to get to the root of where Jessie went wrong.

Jessie thought for a moment.

"Alright then." Jessie said nodding

"Well then, I guess the first time I did it I was… 10 I think."

Jessies eyes widened in surprise.

"Yeah." Katie said nodding. "My parents were always gone, so we had this babysitter who was the biggest chain smoker. She left cartons around the house, … she didn't notice if one was ever missing."

"Why did you start?"

"It calms me. I do it when I can't handle something."

Jessie nodded.

"Just like you and cutting." She said meeting the girls eyes. Jessie looked away from Katies gaze. "No I get to ask you something. When was the first time you cut?"

Jessie thought, and hesitated for a moment.

"I think that I was around eleven." Jessie said in a reminiscent tone. "It was awhile after my parents divorce, … and I always thought that they would get back together, but my mom started dating this guy… and the it hit me that it was over and I couldn't deal, … so I did it."

Katie watched Jessie closely as she spoke. What Jessie was saying was so uncharacteristic of how a girl that appeared like her on the outside would actually be. Katie watched her blonde hair hang dully, and yet it shined, and her eyes, the most beautiful blue, and yet distant and glazed over. It was as though a tortured soul was inside of an angels body, trying to fight through the image.

"I just can't believe he's gone." Jessie said sobbing. Katie held her close, unsure of what else to do.

And so it went the girls were living … in the moment.


	7. No not alone

Chapter 6: "No not alone"

Katie held Jessie as she continued to cry, until Jessie backed away from her and wiped her tears.

"Gosh, this is so embarrassing, I really need to go." Jessie said standing up quickly.

"Jess…" Katie said walking slowly towards the girl grabbing her wrist, pulling back when she realized that Jessie winced as she did so.

Jessie turned and looked Katie in the eye, … there was something different about her, and then Jessie got the feeling in her stomach again, … the butterflies, which only got stronger as Katie wiped Jessie's tears away.

Katie brought her hand down from Jessie's face, and without warning Jessie leaned forward and kissed her… It was a soft gentle kiss… What both of them had needed. 

Jessie's cell phone ringing was what broke the two apart. Jessie and Katie searched all over the floor for the phone, when Jessie finally found it.

"E." She said into the phone.

Katie sat back on her bed, pondering what had just happened as she watched Jessie on the phone with her brother.

Soon Jessie hung up.

"What did he say?" Katie asked

"He's at the hospital." Jessie said in a whisper. "The doctors said that we can go see our brother now…" Jessie finished

"Do you want to go?" Katie asked

Jessie thought for a minute, and then nodded.

"Alright, I'll take you."

Katie soon realized that she and Jessie were still in their same clothes.

"I have something that you can wear." Katie offered, Jessie nodded

"Hey Katie." Jessie said looking down at her folded hands

"Yeah?" Katie said coming out of the closet with only a skimpy t-shirt on that caused Jessie's heart to skip a beat.

"Thanks…" she stuttered "for everything."

Katie and Jessie made their way to the hospital making small talk along the way.

"Jess." Eli said rushing up to his little sister, and giving her a big hug.

"How long have you been here?" Jessie asked

"About an hour." Eli said

"Have you seen him yet?" Jessie asked

"Yeah. The doctor wants to meet with me. You and Katie can go back and see him if you'd like."

A small smile crept onto Jessie's face.

"Does he have a name yet?" Jessie asked

"No, I figured that I would leave that up to you. That is more your area of expertise." Eli said with a smile as he followed the doctor away.

Jessie and Katie found the NICU, where "Baby Sammler", was being held. The nurse looked at Katie and Jessie strangely as they walked in.

"Hello." She said

"Hi." Jessie said as they approached the counter

"How may I help you?" The woman asked

"I am here to see my brother."

"Name?"

"Um… he doesn't have one yet." 

"Baby Sammler!" The nurse said with a smile

"Yeah." Jessie said nodding.

"Well in that case you two can follow me." She said with a smile

Jessie and Katie enter a sterile white room.

"He is in the far left corner." The nurse informed them as she left.

Katie and Jessie cautiously made their way over to him.

Jessie gasped as she saw the baby… a spitting image of her father. From the strong hands, to the sad droopy blue eyes.

"Hi." Jessie said kneeling next to the crib alongside Katie.

"He's adorable Jess."

"He looks like my dad." Jessie said her eyes beginning to tear

Katie kissed the side of her head.

"He needs a name." Katie said

Jessie stared at her brother hard for a minute. 

"Ethan Richard Sammler." Jessie said as though it suddenly popped into her head.

Katie smiled as she remembered the day in the car when she and Jessie were talking about what Lily and Rick should name him, and Ethan came up as the heavy favorite.

"It suits him."

Eli then entered the room, looking way passed stressed.

"You okay E?" Jessie asked him

"Yeah, we just have some important decisions to make about-"

"Ethan." Jessie filled in.

"Ethan." Eli said with a smile

"Whatever it is we can handle it. We're going to get through this." Jessie said looking at Katie, as Katie grabbed her hand and squeezed it lightly.

~ REVIEW!!!!! I really liked this chap J 


	8. Instead of wishing that it'd just get be...

Hey sorry it took so long~!

XOXO HaLeY

Chapter 7: "So instead of wishing that it'd just get better…"

"What kind of decisions?" Jessie asked him

"Well what are we going to do with… Ethan." Eli asked

"Well he IS our brother." Jessie pointed out.

"But Lily and Dad are gone, can we really take care of him?" Eli said.

"YES!" Jessie said without a second thought.

"Jessie I think that this is a really big responsibility. Especially when it is just the two of us." Eli said pulling a chair up to his little sister

  
"Well there is Grace!" Jessie said

"Who is leaving for college next year." Eli pointed out.

"I don't care. This is my little brother. I just lost my father who means more than the world to me, I will not give up anymore!" Jessie said becoming angry.

Eli leaned forward in his chair and rested his chin on his fist and thought for a moment… That was what he and the doctor had discussed. He was over 18, he had the option to be Ethan's legal guardian… But still, were they ready?

"… We don't have to give a decision until tomorrow. Let's sleep on it?" Eli suggests.

Jessie nods silently… Katie squeezes her hand, and rests her head on her shoulder…

~ That night Jessie and Katie went back to Lilys house…They could not stay all night with Ethan because they are minors, so Jessie made Eli do so. 

It was strange to find the house empty. Jessie had never noticed how big it was until she did… She expected to see her dad on the couch, or Zoe running around somewhere without a care in the world, or Grace arguing about something… nothing…

Jessie led Katie by the hand up to her room. She switched on the attic light.

"Wow." Katie said as she stepped inside.

"Yeah." Jessie said

They lay down on the bed in silence.

"What are you thinking about?" Katie asked Jessie turning over on her side to face her..

"Ethan." Jessie said in a long drawn out breath…

"What about him." Katie asked

"Nothing, he just looks so much like my dad." Jessie smiled "And his hands, they are so little." Her eyes watered… "I've just never looked at anyone and loved them right off like that…" She explained

"Well he is your brother." Katie joked

"Yeah… I just don't want to give him up. I can't." Jessie said

"Eli was right though?"

"So what you agree with him?" Jessie asked getting defensive.

"I'm not saying that!"

"Then what are you saying!" Jessie asked, furrowing her brow…

"I am saying your 16 years old! And Eli, well he is hardly ever in the right mind to take care of himself…" Katie said trying to reason with her stubborn friend…

Jessie took a deep breath attempting to calm down.

"You ever just know when something feels so wrong that it has to be right?" Jessie asked

Katie thought for a moment and then looked Jessie in the eye…

"What do you mean?" Katie asked

"I never wanted any younger siblings… I never expected my dad to have any kids younger than me. I mean, I am 16... But then my dad…" She couldn't bring herself to say it, "… and then Ethan happened… and it is like everything that I never wanted became what I need." She said seemingly more to herself than anyone else. 

"I guess that makes sense…" Katie said…

"… and with you and I…" 

Katie blushed and looked away from the girls striking blue eyes which were focusing only on her…

"I never thought that I would have feeling for another girl until…" Jessie thought back to that day in the bathroom… "you were sitting there in that window on the sink… and I you before I saw you… and when… when I actually looked up and saw you there it was like something clicked…"

"… so what are you trying to say…" Katie asked looking now at Jessie, meeting her eyes…

"I am saying that… I guess I have never felt this way about anyone before…" 

And so it went things changed…………


	9. Man you see that you just get angrier

Chapter 8: "Man you see that you just get angrier"

Katie woke up the next morning to being shaken awake by Jessie.

"What?" She asks as she throws the pillow over her head.

"We have to get up!" Jessie insisted.

"Why?" Katie said wrapping herself up in her the blanket

Jessie stood up on the bed and grabbed the end of the blanket which rolled Katie off of the bed. She peered over the edge of the bed. Katie looked like she was in shock but there was still a grin on her face.

"Sorry!" Jessie said climbing off of the bed and crawling over to Katie on the floor.

"Since you woke me up like that, whatever you want to show me has to be good." Katie said looking up into Jessies blue eyes, who in turn leaned in and kissed her. Katie smiled. "That's a start."

Jessie led her to her feet.

"Come here." She said gesturing for a very tired Katie to follow her.

Katie leaned against the wall of the hallway as she walked down the attic stairs and to another bedroom.

Jessie opened the door to display a room, with the walls painted blue. A mobile above the crib, which sat at the center of the room. There was a dresser to match, as well as a changing table and a rocking chair…

"They were really excited about him." Jessie said wrapping her arms around herself.

Katie came up behind her and did the same…

"So you're sure about this?"

Jessie nodded.

"Well we all know that Eli won't be much of a help now will he." Katie said taking long drawn out breaths

Jessie shrugged.

"But you have me." Katie said

Jessie turned around now to face Katie.

"Isn't it weird?" 

"What?" Katie asked in a serious tome.

"How all of the sudden this all happened… it was like, … you were there when I needed you the most, and as everything fell apart… in the same respect it fell into place…" She said her voice cracking a little bit…

Katie leaned in and gave her a hug.

"You know what we should do now?" Katie said

"What?" Jessie asked

"Go check on Eli and Ethan at the hospital."

~ **1 month later**, Jessie and Katie skip over to the car in the driveway. The see Eli fumbling with the car seat.

"I can't get this damn thing in!" Eli said shoving it across the seat.

"I couldn't either, I already tried!" Jessie said.

"Here." Said Katie pushing them both to the side and taking charge. In one swift motion she slipped into the back seat, and with little effort strapped the seat in.

Jessie smiled at her.

"Show off." Eli said as he climbed into the front seat with Jessie in the passenger side.

The nurses gave them weird looks as they went in to pick up their little brother.

"Here are his release papers." The doctor said handing them to Eli, while Jessie held Ethan.

Eli paused for a second, and then he signed.

"Here you go." He said handing the clipboard back to the doctor. "Is there anything else?" He asked

"Nope, you are free to go." He said smiling warmly at them.

On the way home Jessie and Katie sat in the backseat with Ethan cooing over him.

"He sure as hell is a lady's man." Eli said grinning. "Way to go bro." 

Katie laughed at him and then smacked him on the back of the head. It was almost as if they were becoming a little family… almost.

Jessie and Katie had some trouble taking the carrier out of the car. They each had to hold on to one side of the handle. Katie was getting worried about Jessie because she had begun to get so thin, but she easily dismissed it for stress… almost too easily.

They go inside and sit the carrier up on the coffee table in front of a couch. Eli, Jessie, and Katie plopped down and just stared at him…

"Isn't he like supposed to do something?" Eli asked

"I don't know." Jessie said. "Maybe we should take him out of the carrier?" Jessie suggested… Eli stood up.

"Where are you going?" Jessie asked.

"I have band practice, I will be home in two hours tops." He said grabbing his jacket and rushing out of the door.

"Are you sure it's a good idea to leave him alone with Ethan while we are at school?"

"Well that's all I can do."

They look down at Ethan.

"He's smiling in his sleep." Jessie said 

Katie played with his fingers…

"Maybe we should take him out now." Jessie said leaning over to pick him up.

She was holding him in her arms when Katie realized something.

"Aren't you like… I donno, supposed to be holding his head up?" Katie asked.

"I guess so." Jessie said propping up his head.

They went to Ethans room and laid him down…

"What now?" Jessie asked.

The two girls were woken up at 3 am by screams coming from inside the crib. They hadn't realized that they had fallen asleep on the floor. 

"What the fuck!" Jessie said as she and Katie both shoot up at the same time and smack their heads into each other.

"Oh shit." Katie said

There was a pause and the two girls looked at each other and began to laugh.

"I'll get him." Jessie said in between laughs. "Hey Ethan." Jessie said as she rocked her brother trying to calm him down.

"I'll go make him a bottle." Katie said getting up from the floor and making her way down the stairs, eyes squeezed shut. Her contacts had dried out in her eyes after she and Jessie had fallen asleep.

She was in the kitchen, with the only light coming from above the stove. She put a bottle into warm water on the stove, and mixed the formula… She had seen people do it on the Gerber commercials but it was harder than it seemed.

Katie heard the back door open and then close, and a vase fall off of a table… 

"What the fuck." Katie said to herself, grabbing a butter knife and heading to the door…

She turned around… nobody was there. She then swung around to see Eli staring there at her.

"God Eli!" She said looking at the guy. "Jess and I figured you were homed hours ago and just went to the garage."

"Nah. My car broke down." Eli said sitting down on the couch. Katie joined him, balancing the bottle on her knee. "How was he tonight?"

"Really good. He just slept and slept." Katie said, then she stood up. "I should hurry this bottle up to them." Katie said, Eli nodded.

"Katie?" He called back to her as she got closer to the stairs.

"Yeah?"

"Jess is going to need you a lot. I am not cut out for this." Eli then walked out to the garage leaving a stunned Katie.

He wasn't cut out for this? None of them were. They were 16! Well Jessie is 16, she is 17. Oh well, she was going to try she decided heading up the stairs. When she got to the top she saw Jessie closing Ethans door with her finger on her lips…

"You got him in?" Katie asked

Jessie nodded, and led Katie to the bathroom.

"Why are we going in there?"

"I need a shower. So do you." Jessie said closing the door behind her still in shock when Jessie was pulling off her shirt, and then went to turn on the water.

"Jess." Katie said backing away from her "are you sure?"

"Yes." Jessie said looking her in the eyes as she led them to the shower.

Katie tried not to focus on Jessies seemingly deteriorated frame. She trailed kissed up the blue eyed girls wrist where fresh cuts still showed, up her collar bone, all the way to her mouth.

And so it went everything was starting to look up… right?


	10. And it's good

**Sorry about the fact that I just flat out stoped updating this story. This one I may regret doing that to over all. I got a review for this recently that just brought me back into this whole story. So once again I am sorry for the delay but review and let me know what you think. There will be more soon. I promise.**

**xoxo Jules**

Chapter 9: "And it's good"

It had been two weeks since Eli, Katie, and Jessie had brought Ethan home from the hospital and it had really begun to take its toll. Katie had been staying at Jessie's house and helping with Ethan, a lot of the times even over night.

Katie sat slumped over in her chair in Dimitri's class.

"Kate!" Tad said shoving her roughly in the shoulder.

"What?" Katie asked her head snapping up as she looked around the room.

"You almost fell asleep." Tad said moving to the seat next to her

"I always sleep in this class." Katie said wiping her eyes, brushing off his comment. She really needed a cup of coffee, or cocaine… cocaine would do it. Katie thought with a laugh.

"Baby Sammler bogging you down?" Tad asked almost sincerely.

Katie shrugged as the bell rang.

"See you around Tad." She said quickly making her leave of the room. She went to meet Jessie at her locker as she usually did. "Hey Billie." Katie said leaving against the locker

"Hey." Jessie said mid yawn.

"Want to grab a cup of coffee after school?" Katie asked hopefully.

"Um, yeah, I just have to check and see if E can watch Ethan." Jessie said her eyes meeting Katie, "and if past events are at all indicators of future behavior I think that it is doubtful."

"I'm sorry baby." Katie said taking hold of Jessie's hand.

"I just wish that I could get more than two hours of sleep." Jessie said

"Well let's go then." Katie said.

Jessie looked at Katie and raised an eyebrow.

"We can go to my house so we won't be bothered." Katie said smiling

"What did you have in mind?" Jessie asked smiling slyly

"Nothing!" Katie said holding up both hands innocently, "just good old fashioned sleep."

Jessie smiled and nodded as the older girl led her out of the school. The two laid in Katies bed in complete silence. Katie watched Jessie as she slept; the color was drained from her body by stress. She wanted so bad to make things easier on her… She found out that she got into art school in New York two days before. Of course the first person that she wanted to tell was Jessie. She actually had the phone in her hand and had dialed the area code when it dawned on her, what was going to happen if she left? What would happen to Ethan and Jessie? Who would help Jessie with Ethan, who would make sure that she didn't cut, or that she ate? She knew though that she had to tell her… and it had to be soon. The year was drawing to a close and Katie would be graduating at the end of two weeks.

"Katie?" Jessie said gently shaking the girl next to her awake. "Katie, I've got to go." Jessie whispered in her ear.

Katie sat up groggily and wiped her eyes. Katie unlike Jessie wasn't too pleasant when she woke up, until she had a donut and a couple of cups of coffee in her.

"What?" Katie asked turning back over.

"I've got to go!" Jessie said again. "We overslept, it's five. I was supposed to watch Ethan two hours ago." Jessie said in an even tone

"No!" Katie said pulling Jessie back down on the bed, her eyes still closed.

"Kate!" Jessie persisted kissing her. "I've got to go."

Katie sat up slowly and shook her head a couple of times. She then stood up, slightly tripping on her own feet.

"I'll come with you." She said smiling a little

"I think that you may need a little more sleep."

"Please Billie, we just slept, I'll be up for awhile now. I will need you and the little man to entertain me." Katie said changing her shirt.

"Alright." Jessie said smiling.

The drive to Jessie's house was silent. The two girls were just enjoying one another's presence.

"JESS!" Eli said storming out of the house. "Where the hell were you? I had to be at practice at Coops at four!"

"Sorry!" Jessie said

Katie rushed past the two as they argued, and into the house to find Ethan. He was lying in his bassinet in the living room screaming his head off. His little face was all red and scrunched up.

"Oh baby!" Katie said picking him up holding him close. "Ssshhh… It's gonna be alright." She said carrying him up to his room where she laid the still crying infant on the changing table. She quickly changed his diaper and re-dress him, he was a little warm. She then went downstairs and grabbed a bottle, trying to feed it to the baby but he wouldn't take it.

She felt him, he felt hot, very hot. She could hear Eli's car speed off and then Jessie slam the door.

"I can't believe him! GOD!" Jessie said throwing up her hands

"Jess" Katie said

."And even worse he's high!" Jessie continued yelling

"JESS!" Katie said a little firmer

"Yeah?" Jessie breathed out in the middle of her rant

"I think Ethan is like sick or something…" She said looking at Jessie with worried eyes. Jessie just looked back.


	11. That I'm not angry

Yikes. I hadn't meant to post that chapter as the last one. I did a really good rewrite of it and am not at all happy with the version that went up. Oh well, too late. :(

xoxo Jules

PLEASE REVIEW! I'm dying for them for this fic.

* * *

Chapter 10: "I just need to get over"

"What do you mean sick?" Jessie asked becoming worried looking over at Katie holding the little boy.

"What do you mean what do I mean sick?" Katie snapped. "Sorry." She said, she must not have gotten enough sleep. "It's just that he's really warm and he won't take his bottle." Katie said

"What should we do?" Jessie asked

"I don't know! I hadn't even held a baby until Ethan!"

"Um…" Jessie said looking around an grabbing a piece of paper off of the counter. "The pediatrician." She said as she dialed the number from the paper. "Um hi, … alright I'll hold." Katie watched as Jessie twirled the phone cord between her fingers. "yeah, alright…. Thanks…. I think my little brother has a fever and he is really hot…. No he didn't take a bottle…. 3 weeks old… oh no, my parents aren't home…. Hold on I'll ask," Jessie turned to Katie, "is his nose running?" She asked

"No!" Katie yelled "Oh wait!" She said looking closer. "No, never mind!" She said

"No his nose isn't running…. I don't know how long he's been crying like this, I just got home….. He was born premature… About a month I guess…. Oh okay, alright…. I will. Thank you." Jessie said hanging up the phone.

"What did they say?" Katie asked shifting the baby over her shoulder.

"They said to watch him carefully for the next couple of hours and give him medicine. We also have to try to get him to drink formula so that he doesn't dehydrate." Jessie rattled off.

"Where do you keep the medicine?" Katie asked

"Um, I don't think that we have any!" Jessie said bouncing Ethan around the room trying to get him to calm down.

"I'll run to the store and get some." Katie said kissing Jessie's cheek quickly before dashing outside.

---- Katie was sitting on the floor of the grocery store in frustration trying to read the small print on the back of all of the medicine boxes. She was receiving weird stares from everyone that passed.

"Katie?" A male voice said from behind her

"Tad! Thank god." She said "Do you know anything about babies and medicine?"

"Do I look like I do?" Tad asked staring down at Katie.

"Good point!" Katie said focusing once again on the boxes.

"So what's wrong with the kid anyway?" Tad asked joining Katie on the floor.

"I have no idea." Katie said looking up at Tad with big blue eyes.

---- Katie ended up buying three different kinds of medicine, as she passed her house on the way to Jessie's she noticed that the red flag was up on her mailbox. She stopped quickly and got the mail, not even bothering to get out of the car.

"George Washington University." Katie said looking down at the package that was in her hand

She had applied there some time ago, before anything happened with Jessie, before she even knew her even… Katie fumbled with the package before she finally got it open… She took a deep breath before she read

"Congratulations on your acceptance to George Washington University…" Katie gasped. She walked slowly back into the Sammler house… what was she going to do? Jessie was in no position to be left alone, but college was her future… but Jessie was her future too, at least she hoped. "Billie?" Katie called when she entered

"Hey Katie." Jessie said coming out of the kitchen, Ethan balanced in one arm.

"How is he?" Katie asked as Jessie handed her the infant.

"Alright, he's been eating a little." Jessie said.

"Good." Katie said

Jessie looked at Katie, she could tell that there was something wrong. Katie Singer was never quiet. Her big blues eyes seemed to be focused on nothing, and something at the same time.

"Katie, are you okay?"

"Yeah Billie. I'm fine." Katie said nodding trying to assure Jessie, but she wasn't convinced.

"You're quiet." Jessie said

"Yeah, I'm just tired." Katie said

"Hey, did you get the medicine?" Jessie asked looking around seeing no bag

"Oh yeah, I think that I left it in the car."

"I'm going to go get it." Jessie said kissing Katie quickly before she went out to the car.

"What am I going to do Ethan?" Katie asked lying the baby down in the living room in the bassinet that Lily and Rick had set up there.

She walked out the bag door and pulled a cigarette out of her pocket. She drew in her breath deeply. The moon was as full as ever. The full moon never brought Katie good luck. It was under a full moon that she broke her wrist when she slipped on black ice, and got lost with her brothers in the woods and nearly froze to death. It was under a full moon that her father disowned her for being gay… No, for Katherine Singer the full moon was not a good thing.

"Katie." Jessie said coming up from behind her.

"Jess!" Katie said swinging around dropping her cigarette. Jessie was holding the letter in her hand.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jessie asked

"It's no big deal." Katie said shrugging

"If it was no big deal you would have told me and you WOULDN'T be out here smoking. Katie, something's going on. Talk to me."


	12. Can't you see what you do to me baby?

**PORCELAIN**

Preface: **PORCELAIN**

Teenagers are admittedly naive, so maybe they were wrong to think that they were any different. What they had was something classic, tangible, real, something of fairy tales. It was only a matter of time before reality struck their perfect world in two, and rocked their fantasy lives to their cores.

Four friends seemingly invincible were separated by a force none other than themselves, ironically enough. It has been said that time makes the heart grow fonder, but what Marissa Cooper, Seth Cohen, Ryan Atwood, and Summer Roberts found was something completely different, a paradox. Time had made them cold, it had hardened them. And now at age twenty one and twenty two, where most are stumbling along just about to hit the brink of existence they are somewhere in-between fact and fiction, heaven and hell, tangible and imaginary. They were all now unrecognizable, scattered images of their former selves.

Seth Cohen had struck it big early with acclaimed graphic novel "Atomic County", but maybe it was a little two early. At age twenty two he already has more money than he knows what to do with. Success came to fast for him, and now he sits alone in his condo by the beach having almost everything in his life that he ever wanted. Nothing was left for him to conquer. Life was handed to him on a silver platter. He never has to work again. His comic was taken over by writers who would continue making up fictitious lives for his not so fictitious characters and he got the profit because he had the copyright.

Summer Roberts face was plastered everywhere with the launch of Atomic County and its overnight success. Right out of high school she signed her life away in the form of a modeling contract. Now Summer is doing what she always wanted to do, traveling the globe. The only problem is that she does it alone, with only her cigarettes, cameras and diet pills for company. It was so ironic, on the outside she was beautiful, perfectly put together and coordinated, but on the inside she is empty, emotionless. She lives everyday waiting for the chance to feel again, … to feel anything at all.

Marissa Cooper, Newport's former teen queen. The epitome of a debutante. It was only natural that she would fall from grace. Everyone expected her to hit the ground with a thud, but the truth is ever since the day that she slipped she never stopped falling. It probably started before anyone could ever remember. The icing on the cake though, had been of course, the death of Trey Atwood. To this day nobody outside of the group knows who pulled the trigger, a secret for which Marissa is thankful. The burden of the secret had separated them, initially at least. When Marissa left for college she never planned to return, but she did when her father fell ill. Desperately she ran in Ryans arms which had become strange and unfamiliar. Nine months later while away at school Casey Atwood Cooper was born. Ryan had been there for her birth and much to Marissa's surprise he had even taken an entire week out of his "busy' schedule to make sure that they were set up and okay. Now she lives in a condo just across from the one that she had lived in with Alex. Marissa has wrongfully attempted to fill the void in her life with alcohol and men.

Ryan Atwood, hard, stern, intimidating, a real "go-getter", it has been said. After the death of Caleb, and Ryans graduation the reins of the Newport group were turned over to him. And thus began the disgusting obsession with perfection. Ryan controlled the entire community that once looked down upon him. Who thought him nothing more than the common crook, an invader and a threat to their daughters. Subconsciously Ryan set out to prove them wrong. He wanted to let them know what he was capable of. And thus began long nights at the office and alienation from society and a superiority complex greater than that of royalty. Ryan had built his own kingdom of which he proudly took the throne. He will occasionally take his daughter for the weekend, if ever over night he requires the accompaniment of a nanny.

People always think that they know themselves, what they would do in one situation, what they would do in another… Summer, Seth, Marissa, and Ryan are living proof that there is nothing set in stone. What will it take to bring those who have strayed back?


End file.
